What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
