I feel like I'm in dance class right now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.