why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
