moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
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Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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