Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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