I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
