Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
