Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize