Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just gargled with NyQuil
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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