I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
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And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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