Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
