Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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