Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
