Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
