I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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