i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
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he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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