Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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