all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
