Welp...herpes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
