well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The power of my boobs compel you
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
