I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list