apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.