Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Randomize
Follow @tfln