I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring