I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.