I think i peed on brittanys purse
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I licked your asshole in confidence.