oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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