K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
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SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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