The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
