I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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