Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???