I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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