my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I puked a lego.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.