Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Your cock deserves a montage
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman