I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
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I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
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I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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