he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
