he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
