Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish life had little blips of pornography
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.