it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.