When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution