Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm like, not good at living.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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