This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
