Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
