Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
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It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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