I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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