...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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