Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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