morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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