Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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