Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
