I'm really into asian looking animals
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You should frame my arrest warrant.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
