false alarm. still invincible.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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