We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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