Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
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he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol