call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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