i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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