She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
