No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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