yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
