My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
